Reminisce
by Spooky Spice
Summary: The Counselor looks back.


Title: Reminisce  
  
Author: Spooky Spice  
  
Written: 0307.18   
  
Category: V, R, A  
  
Rating: PG-13 (references to S-E-X!!!)  
  
Spoilers: "Encounter at Farpoint," a scene from "Violations," some info from "Second Chances." Oh, and Peter David's novel Imzadi. *Wonderful* book. I bow down to PD's greatness. [bows]  
  
Summery: The Counselor looks back.  
  
Disclaimer: ALL HAIL PARAMOUNT WHO OWNS EV'RYTHING!!!  
  
Feedback: PLEASE!!! Love me, love me, make me happy!!! Spookyspice24@yahoo.com (For those of you who want to know how I figured out the stardate system, you can e-mail me, too.)  
  
Historical Note: I know it's not really clear when this is set, so I leave that to you, dear reader: After the 2nd season, but b4 that whole Worf/Troi fiasco. [shudder]   
  
Author's Notes: This story is a product of my happiness in discovering that I'd forgotten it was Friday, and TNN runs *3 HOURS* of Next Gen on Fridays. [dance]  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It had been a shock to see him again after all these years. After he had left me and broken my heart. No, I don't blame him anymore. I got over that and moved on.   
  
Ok, yes.....big fat lie.  
  
But who can blame me? I realize I was wrong in my first assumption that he was just another arrogant Starfleet lieutenant....well, not ENTIRELY wrong. On all accounts, he is an admirable man. He's sweet, kind, funny, gentle, driven, courageous....As I said, an admirable man. And an amazing lover. Yes, he was my first; at the time, I had no basis of comparison. But as first lovers go, he definitely made an impression.   
  
Is that the reason why I compare others to him?  
  
My dreams of a happy ending left with him. I cried for days, weeks even—then picked my life back up and went on. We did try to make it work again by scheduling a rendezvous on Risa....but once again, his career took him away from me. And for a few insane moments I hated Starfleet with a passion—because it too my Imzadi away from me. Then I blamed him. It became a vicious cycle. I eventually got over that, too.   
  
Then again, maybe I never did.   
  
Which is probably how this happened.  
  
When we met again, that day during the mission to Farpoint and the days following, we toyed with the idea of rekindling. I was for it—until I gave it serious thought and considered the consequences. What if it didn't work out and we ended? Would it get too awkward and one of us had to leave? I know neither of us would want to go—the Enterprise was the best assignment in the fleet. So I told him there was no chance for us while we were serving on the same ship. Reluctantly, very reluctantly, he agreed. I know how much he wanted me—I can read him better than anyone—but he knew what I meant. I wanted him just as much.   
  
So we locked our desires away, but we'd always remain Imzadi. That will never change. We had relationships with other people and remained the best of friends.  
  
Until that night.  
  
We sat and talked in my quarters for hours, just catching up with each other. We talked about life on the ship, people we used to know, music, whether or not Beverly and the captain really had a relationship that the rest of the crew didn't know about... everything. I do love being friends with him. Our friendship is something I could never do without.   
  
The conversation eventually turned to us. We might have had too much to drink, now that I think about it....  
  
He asked me if I regretted cooling our relationship. I confessed that sometimes I did. He confessed that he did too. We lapsed into silence for a while.  
  
He told me that he had an early shift, so I walked him to the door. He smiled at me (the smile reserved just for me) and said "Goodnight, Deanna."  
  
I smiled the smile reserved just for him and said "Goodnight, Will."  
  
He leaned towards me to give me a kiss—and something flared up between us. We started kissing like we used to. Some small voice inside me was yelling for me to stop, that this was a mistake—but I shoved it away and just lost myself in the moment.  
  
Without another conscious thought, I pulled him to my bed and we made love like we used to. Three times.   
  
The next thing I know, I'm lying on his chest, listening to his heart. //Oh, gods,// I thought. //What did we just do?//  
  
After he had woken up, and the awkwardness had cleared, we agreed that this was a one-time-only, nothing more. We had acted in a moment of weakness and loneliness—it was a momentary lapse in our better judgment. He left and I cried for 45 minutes in the shower.  
  
Some momentary lapse.  
  
So that is the story of how you came to be, my Little One. It was an accident, but I don't regret it. Not for a moment. Never, ever doubt that.  
  
He doesn't know about you yet. I've only just found out myself. Beverly will keep my secret for as long as I need her to.  
  
I will tell your daddy eventually, Little One. I only pray that he won't regret this, either. 


End file.
